Hope you have had a good last couple of weeks! Would like to start off by saying I'm sorry about not positing a blog last week. I've been having a bit of an anxious and stressed time for various reasons. If you haven't read my blogs before then you probably won't know but I do suffer with anxiety. Mainly social anxiety disorder and panic disorder.
I'm no doctor so I don't know any specifics but this basically means that I get very nervous and panicky over the smallest things in day to day life which other people would not find an issue with. This often leads to panic attacks, which are absolutely awful and pretty uncontrollable for the most part.
I may write another blog another time about anxiety from my point of view and the facts about panic attacks etc. But for this blog, while its all fresh In My mind I thought I'd write about my very recent experience and something that helped me so much, so it may be able to help you if you too suffer with anxiety and panic attacks. If you have no understanding about anxiety etc or are totally uninterested then feel free to stop reading now.. I'm sure the next blog will be a lot more upbeat ;)
So basically, about an hour ago I began to feel a panic attack coming on due to numerous reasons (which I won't share as they're quite private). Ive had about 10-12 'big' panic attacks in my life, all within the last year. I've suffered with anxiety all of my life however only recently have I also had panic attacks, they started during a very bad break up I had at the start of last year and unfortunately they haven't stopped :( I don't usually get a very big warning, I tend to feel anxious every single day but not to the extent that 'pushes me over the edge' so to speak. Actual panic attacks seem to come out of no where for me, I start feeling a bit panicky and within 10 minutes im in the middle of one!
Up until tonight, I have always dealt with panic attacks on my own. I never want to bring others down or explain what's happening to anyone really so i just go off on my own and try and deal with it myself.. This usually ends with me completely losing control (which scares me even more) and having a 'big' panic attack where i basically feel like I'm having some sort of heart attack.. My chest and jaw feels tight, I have uncontrollable tears, I tend to grind my teeth and clench up my body until it hurts, I shake uncontrollably, go from boiling hot to freezing cold, feel sick, all I can think about is 'what if..' Followed by bad and unrealistic scenarios. They usually last around 15 minutes and they leave me completely exhausted.
Anyway, getting onto the point, tonight was a very different experience for me. I decided to tell my boyfriend what was happening (he's always know about the anxiety however Iv never spoke to him during an attack). He wasn't actually with me as he is away at university but we text each other all the time while he is away. I told him what was happening and how I was scared and how I was feeling. He knows me better than anyone and seemed to immediately know what to do. He talked about completely irrelevant things to take my mind off what was happening and he asked me if I could remember some of our amazing and funny memories. I never thought that someone being with me (despite not being with me in person) and talking me through a panic attack would help, I always thought it would make me feel under more pressure and nervous etc. However it was the complete opposite. Yes I still had a panic attack however I seemed to remain in control and not lose my head. The distraction caused my body to relax and feel less fear.
Of course the fact that I trust my boyfriend more than anyone In the world certainly helped me feel at ease despite the fact that I never thought it would.. But I am so glad I decided to let him in and support me when I needed him most.
So to conclude, I thought I'd sit and write this blog at 1:30am, right after a panic attack because It still feels very real and it's all clear in my mind. My mind also seems to block out bad memories so usually when I have had a panic attack I have blacked it out a few hours later and I cannot remember the details, (does this happen to any of you??). So I just thought I'd share my experience with you all as maybe it could help you too? Next time you feel scared or anxious Id definitely recommend you telling someone you trust (whether that be a partner, a friend, a family member, etc) as they quite possibly could help you through it and make it a little more bare-able. It's nice to know you're not alone when you need someone the most.
Would also like to say a massive thank you of course to my absolutely amazing boyfriend for supporting me during a difficult time. I genuinely think he knows me better than I know myself and I am eternally grateful to him for being there for me whenever I need him, and for knowing the right thing to do to make me feel better. He is my rock and I love him to pieces!
Thank you so much for reading, this has been a very personal blog which I'm still unsure about posting however, if this could help just one person then it'd be totally worth it. On the other hand my advice could be completely wrong haha, but I am just sharing my personal experiences and what has helped me an extreme amount this evening.
Please feel free to comment below any suggestions or advice and please do share your own experiences and tips if you can as I'd love to read them and I think it would really help other people who are going through the same thing.
Speak to you all soon, Molly xxx
P.S
Thought I would add some links to helpful/supportive websites below
Helpline - http://www.nopanic.org.uk/
Blog number three, I open up about panic attacks x
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