Updates and interview progress!

Hello everyone! 

So had quite a busy couple of weeks with a lot going on so thought I'd fill you all in! 

First of all started with going to another dressage competition with my horse which I'm so happy to say I didn't get nervous the entire time, such a massive improvement from the time before that I blogged about. I had a couple of twinges on the way there but apart from that I was fine and rode confidently. This must have gone through to Summer as she did a cracking test and got 7th out of 23! Chuffed to bits! 

I then kind of got thrown into my first interview style meeting Ive ever done. This has always been a huge step for me and a target in my head that I wanted to reach by the end of the year so for me to have done it in February I couldn't be happier. Me and my Mum went out for dinner and the manger was talking to some customers about how she needed staff. My mum told her how I was looking for a job and so she came over and asked a few questions and had a chat with me and I got offered the job! Best result I could have hoped for! The job didn't really suit me in the end so I didn't take it but then later in the week I had another interview and got offered that job too! Again, it didn't suit me but to be honest, I've got the worry of my first interviews over and it's gave me such a valuable experience! Think it's taught me that things come along when you stop looking for them so much - the right things will find you! :D 

So it's been a big week for me and I am so pleased that I managed to get through it with no panic attacks and very limited nerves. I have still been feeling quite anxious from day to day but this is expected considering how much Ive been doing out of my comfort zone. 

Anyway, I hope you're all okay and that the new year is going as well for you as it is for me!  I was considering doing a weekly blog like this just updating you on my life, would this be something people are interested in reading though!? I'm not sure but it will be great to look back on I think! Like an online diary :) let me know what you all think!

Speak again soon, Moll and Sum xxx

Horse show nerves!

Hey everyone! 

I often find that writing things down when I'm feeling stressed or worried or excited etc helps me calm down, put things in perspective and it just gets it off my chest! Well at the minute I am feeling ridiculously nervous, I've not actually felt this nervous in a long time! Even though I have been pushing myself recently to push my limits when it comes to anxiety, my level of nerves today is actually way higher than then. Not entirely sure why.. I guess it's because I haven't been show jumping in years and Ive only competed at dressage twice in about 2 years as well. I find that I get less and less nervous the more I do something I dread doing so this is just the start for me when it comes to competing. 

My horse bless her, is a nervous, inexperienced youngster so obviously I need to try and be as confident as possible up until and during my classes at the show. If you didn't already know, horses synchronise with us, if our heart is beating fast and we are tense.. They know and therefore start feeling tense themselves. It's important to try and mask nerves on young horses as they need to take their confidence from you. 

I was wondering whether anyone takes any meds or has any natural remedies that help with fast relief for things such as shows or maybe driving tests, exams, interviews etc? Alcohol can go either way with people I think, for me it does make me more confident although because I'm driving today it wouldn't be too wise to have any haha! I'm going to try paracetamol too today as many people have told me that works. 

Anyway I may update this blog after the show to let you know how we got on but for now I already feel better just by getting it down in writing. 

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8 hours later...

Finally home, had the best night ever! My horse was an absolute superstar, couldn't be happier with her! Just proved all my nerves were for no reason as she flew round getting a double clear and 6th place at her first show in years! Proud is an understatement.. Also quick review on the paracetamol.. seemed to have worked a treat as my nerves subsided as time went on! 

Think from now on when I'm nervous I need to keep busy.. Today I sat in all day which allowed my nerves to get to such a bad point whereas maybe if I started baking or exercised it wouldn't have been so bad.. Fingers crossed for next time to be a better run up experience! I'll keep you all posted :) 

Thanks for the wonderful support I've had off everyone, family and friends! I love you all. And of course thanks to my amazing horse for getting me round the course safely! 

Speak again soon, Mol and Sum xxx

Horses with anxiety?

Hey everyone! 

Had a bit of a trail of thought the other day after taking my horse to a show.. She was very well behaved but  spooky at the same time, she was scared of the judges car in the indoor school which was frustrating as she didn't relax much throughout her test.. Still, she's only young and she needs more experience before I can start actually competing against people to get placed. 

Anyway it got me thinking, they say that your horse is a true reflection of yourself.. And the more Ive started thinking about it the more I've started to create a theory. Maybe horses suffer with anxiety in the same way humans do. Okay so it may sound stupid initially but if you really think about it.. Yes horses are spooky due to their instincts - new objects/sounds/smells etc are scary to them due to the fact that that new thing could possibly be out to kill them, or so they think as in the wild if they didn't run from what could be a predator then they would be killed. So I was thinking how similar that is to anxiety.. In a humans brain, we obviously know that the situations we are anxious of usually aren't going to kill us yet our body still gets anxious and panics which can lead to panic attacks. I was thinking about how similar I am to my horse Summer.. She is scared of new places.. New horses.. New things.. And so am I. In my head I know that for example, meeting new people or going for an interview isn't going to kill me yet my body reacts as though it's in panic mode despite the fact I'm not in a dangerous position. To try and sum up what I mean.. Basically we are all for telling our horses to get on with it and not be scared yet people with anxiety can actually relate to how a horse is thinking when it is spooking or scared.. We get scared too and so many people tell us just to get over it and what's the worst that could happen.. Yet we ourselves don't think like that when we are anxious.. We don't think logically we just panic. 

Perhaps horses are the same? Perhaps it's easy for us to say 'oh that car isn't scary' or 'that plastic bag isn't going to kill you' or 'just load onto the trailer, you'll be fine!'. Yes we are thinking logically and know the horse will be fine but the horse doesn't know or understand that. 

I'm not sure really where to move forward with this apart from maybe just to cut horses a little more slack and think about how we feel nervous about things that often aren't dangerous at all.. How would we feel if someone forced us into it using pain for example when people use whips and Spurs to jab a horse over a 'scary fence'. Maybe it's best to get your horse to trust your first so that when something scary comes up like a jump or something on a hack.. Your horse has faith in you to look after him/her. The same as when we are having a panic attack and sometimes it really helps to have someone understand to gently help you through it rather than force you to the other side? 

Sorry this blog is so random.. I'm actually writing this in the middle of the night as I can't sleep and this is something I've had on my mind for a few days so thought i may as well blog about it and get it off my chest! Do any of you agree? Does anyone else with anxiety think that maybe their horse could suffer with the same thing and be a true reflection of themselves?

Thanks for reading, hope to hear from you all soon!

Lots of love, Mol and Sum xxx

It's been a while

Hey everyone!

So pretty much as the title says, its been a long while since I last posted and it was actually around this time last year that I originally started blogging, something about January and new beginnings must inspire me to blog haha!
I wanted to start blogging again as I loved it last time so thought I'd write a bit of an update today with what happened over 2015.  I stopped blogging last year for various reasons which I will touch on throughout this blog, mainly due to quickly running out of time to spend doing the things I love to do. Last June I got my first every job aged 18, still cant quite believe I had the courage to make that step and to this day I am so happy and proud that I managed to do it! The job has taught me loads and has already been full of ups and downs. My best friend Ellie actually got me the job meaning I skipped the interview stage which I have always been most nervous about.. Okay so it may have been a cheat way of getting a job but it was a massive step even so! It was only 12 hours a week as a pot wash at a local restaurant.. ideal first job for someone with social anxiety as I didn't need to have good customer service or people skills and it was very simple to do. Very quickly I started getting to know the chefs and progressing there which made me extremely happy, I have always had a passion for food and cooking so having this small job allowed me to turn that love into something I do as a daily job. Over the last 6 months I have learnt so much and am extremely grateful for the opportunities the chefs there have given me, I now do afternoon teas and have learnt a lot about baking, and up until last week I worked full time doing long hours and split shifts. If you hadn't already worked out, I did actually leave college as I simply couldn't manage working full time and being at college and I decided that hospitality was the career I wanted. Over time this has changed, as much as I have loved the job, the hours have just become too unrealistic for me and too difficult. I have barely had time to go and see to my horse twice a day let alone blog etc as I have just always been working. Last week I made the decision to cut down to part time hours and look for a new job with more stable hours.. this is a huge mission for me but I'm going into the job hunting a lot more confident than I was last year. I am determined to have the confidence to get a new career path at some point this year!
Working part time for a few weeks is now allowing me to do the things I love again though which is great, I will finally have chance to wind down, spend time with my horse and my family which I struggled to do even over Christmas! No promises but I am hoping to keep it this way even if/when I find a new job so I will still be regularly blogging.
I have also been pushing my anxiety limits a lot recently which is helping so much with my social skills. Sadly I do still suffer with panic disorder but I will crack it one day! Taking it all step by step, pushing myself but not too much.. if that makes any sense! I always find writing down my thoughts relieves my anxiety, sometimes a little and sometimes a lot so I hope blogging again will help even more with my stress levels! Yesterday I managed to go and pick up some feed for my horse on my own and book a table at a restaurant for the first time ever! So happy as these are big steps for me!

I am sure you'll all be pleased to know I am still with my long term boyfriend Matt, we live together and he is no longer at uni meaning we spend a lot of time together and have the best times! :)

Think I'm going to leave this blog there as now I have explained 2015 and some of the things that have gone on in my life, feel better now its off my chest! I have a few more blog ideas already so looking forward to typing them out and posting more blogs over the next few days!

Speak again soon and thank you so much for everyone's support, even to this day I have been getting views on old blogs which is incredible! So excited to be getting back into this!

Much love, Mol and Sum xxx